Saturday, 18 July 2015

Pondering commitment phobia.

Ten little letters, one irrational fear.

Fear of commitment:  
The individual will feel anxious and uneasy about being 'tied' to a specific course of action.
Oh my, oh my, how I can relate to this!

Recently I have been pondering on my own commitment phobia, which stretches back well over two decades.
During this time I appear to have avoided all major milestones, and mastered the dubious skills of backing off, avoidance and pushing away.
 On more than one occasion I have been known to physically run.
This once involved ''losing'' a boyfriend in a Greek market and jumping on a ferry to Israel, although now I'm a responsible adult it's far less dramatic.
The writing was on the wall when I booked not just separate seats but separate planes for that particular trip.

Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, commitment phobia would explain my prolonged back packing youth and the appeal of relationships with an ocean in between.
But what I didn't realise until recently is that it has also affected my day to day life.
And is probably why my biggest purchases to date have been a very nice floor and air tickets.
Bus over car, renting over large purchases, no lengthy contracts...self employed, biscuit tin accounting.
And a distinct lack of forward planning.

With commitment issues stretching back as far as 1988, is it really possible to change?